The Carol I Loved
 

Carol was not perfect but she was a damn sight better than most and perfect for me.  We were together for over 40 years, married 36 years, no slight task in our modern disposable society.  I do not have a clue how we did it.  There were times we hung on by a thread and other times that were truly divine.  I think we knew that we loved each other, even though we(I) had no idea what love was.  I only understood what love is over the last 14 years when presented with the possibility of  losing her.  I also know what courage is after watching Carol face pain and death in a truly heroic way.  

Carol was a truly positive person which is represented by her smile.  She was a shy person which I was oblivious to until she found out she had cancer and took great pains to keep private.  She demanded that she would not be defined by cancer.  I told her that we would identify her as the old broad with the long hair.  She demanded to keep control of her care and often shocked me and her Doc's.  In talking to her Doctor's they admired her for her intense interest in her care.

She had a great sense of humor, including her ability to get my sense of humor which can at times be bizarre. Her sense of humor, her laugh , her smile were basic elements in our love and her exceptional personality.

 

You were the love

For certain of my life

You were simply my beloved wife

I don't know for certain

 How i'll live my life

Now alone without my beloved wife

Natalie Merchant

 I am focusing on her smile but I also loved "the look".  There were a couple of "looks", some not so pleasant, but the one I mean is the "what the hell are you doing" look.  I loved that look. 

 Did I mention that she was a beautiful young woman who developed into a gorgeous woman and as I would tell her a damn good looking "old broad".  How did I end up with such a beautiful girl I'll never know. 

Carol loved more then she hated, she smiled more then she frowned, she helped more than she hurt, she taught more than she suffered ignorance, she went forward more than she retreated, she was more positive than negative, she lived life.  Carol was my "pumkin"(I know gag me with a spoon).